Looking and seeing

Good morning Patrick! I have been looking at pictures of you this morning - it always cheers my days....I think about how God wants us to look upon His countenance each new day, and reflect on His goodness and be cheered. We have His words to help us see Him.

Seeing you is easy, since you are here. Still, I am reminded of a favorite play I read in high school that made me cry for 2 full days! Our Town - the story of Emily, who died and was able to see backwards in time, and discovered how very much of our life we spend looking and not really seeing...listening, and not really hearing.....going through the motions and missing the messages. I asked God to help me not to live my life like that, and to really see the people around me. He has granted that in some measure, as I am attentive to Him.

We can walk with those we love and see them, and never look beyond the images our eyes capture - how very much each of us longs to be truly seen and truly heard - the human heart seems to cry out for someone to really listen and really look...and yet, how difficult, and even painful it is sometimes to look beyond the image, and listen beyond the words. Herein is meaning - to look and see the meaning in the images, and to hear the message behind the words. I long to do that. I look forward to you growing and understanding more of life, and times when we can talk and share the things of the heart. Yesterday I thought about the wonders of simplicity which you bring to my life...today I reflect on the complexity of life - all wrapped into that wondrous simplicity - it is a web that only God could weave. And he is the One who can help us to maintain the simple wonder, and yet look to understand the complexity of the lives around us.

I don't want to have walked with people and not seen beyond images and words. As life passes, I see more the need to be in touch with the ones we find in our lives...to watch for clues in their words which alert me to what they need in their own lives that I might be able to give. To be able to look and see beyond the learned smile we all can achieve, when in truth we are crying within, is a goal of my life. And beyond that goal, to be able to give something - some word or action of eternal value that they can carry with them on the sometimes seemingly long life journey, although once we grow older, we know that in truth, life really is but a whisper. To be able to give and express love, and to mend the hearts that ache...this is a cause to live each day with a clear meaning. I pray for you Patrick, that your life will be filled with meaningful encounters, and that you grow in your ability to bring wonder to lives as you do today by your mere presence in our lives. I know you will be a light-bearer, and a joy bringer, and a man whose life will count in the lives of those around you...Thank you for reminding me of my goals, as I grow older and become weary so much more easily...I give you my torch...carry it well!! Thank you for re-lighting it when I felt too tired to keep on.

The puzzling nature of time

I sit here wishing I could understand time....Patrick is growing by leaps and bounds - each day brings more changes than I can remember. He even looks different as each 24 hours go by! Boundless energy, endless curiosity, intense joy at each small facet of his little life...would that we could maintain that intensity of appreciation for each small thing we encounter in our days. I think our quest to accumulate things is but a poor way of compensating for forgetting how to appreciate all that we have around us. We search for the wonder that a baby finds in whatever is before him by gathering new things around us to capture that wonder. It is a joy to watch someone who is totally content, with every need met! I think about how we all wish for more and more in life, and things never seem to be enough once we are older - I suppose there is something of the same sort in an infant/toddler, but it is handled so differently - for them each thing is a wonder to touch and smell and behold, and for us, it has become routine...so that we must create a new way of coming to that point of wonder that is always there for a small child. They cannot get enough of each new experience, but as we age, the wonder leaves and we learn new responses to things, very unlike the unbridled wonder a child finds at each encounter.

I suppose it is a bit Polly-anna-ish to wish it, but somehow I wish I could be like that - untouched by time, and basically caught in a world of continual wonder and amazement. Thus, grandchildren - they bring you back to that place where a small acorn is the most wonderful thing on earth - you wonder how you could have missed it as you watch the looks of joy as the tiny hands pick it up and claim it as their own. I have grown older...I have been prone to look at everything through the eyes of a "polished" adult, and Patrick is reminding me to look through the eyes of a child....and behold the wonder and joy and laughter children seem to find in anything. No wonder each new day is such a joy. I see that he flourishes in this environment, and it is a lesson to me to remember to appreciate the little things, and to watch for wonder, for in it comes a joy in your being that cannot be diminished by time.

Thank you Patrick, for the journey you are taking me on...for causing me to notice the acorns and gaze at the treetops....for reminding me to appreciate each new thing that each new day brings. It is a good time of life for this, for as we grow older, we are tired and forget the need to do this..Thanks for being so funny and making me laugh. We think that we are teaching you, and building your life, but in truth, you are teaching us, and causing us to remember things which we so easily forget...you are building something special into our lives - I believe this was the plan with Grandparenting .... perhaps it is not something we are, or do, but something wonderful that happens to us because of what you are, and do! You banish the weariness of growing older.....and I love you!!!

Beautiful Brietta - the first flower of Spring

Well, I give up! I try and try to do the things I am supposed to be doing, and my thoughts overtake me and I cannot do them...I sit and think, and think some more. Lately, my thoughts have been much about Brietta - a beautiful little baby who entered the world and stayed with us a very short time. She has returned to Jesus and is safe with Him....I know that very well, and yet, the sadness of her leaving seems to be too much some days, especially when the sun is not shining.

Brietta took her family by storm, as seems to be the way of every baby in every family - they come and they conquer all of us by their simple innocence and trust, and dependence upon the ones who love them. Her Mother shared a verse from God's Word about Brietta - It was..." I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord!" Each time I saw her, or thought about her, or prayed for her, I said that verse to myself, for Brietta was a miracle....born so much earlier than expected, so small that her Daddy's wedding ring was a large bracelet on her little wrist! We all wondered if she could possibly make it...but her family never doubted - they knew that she was going to live....and declare the works of the Lord. Their strong faith made me a believer, and I began to pray with new faith for her to grow and thrive. And she did! The list of miracles is long as we think back on her history...it seemed that each day was a new miracle, as she beat odds and rested in Him, allowing Him to give her life. And she blessed each of us who knew her. She was totally loved by the family God sent her to, and they altered their lives to meet the needs and help her grow and develop.

I think a lot about the seasons - they fascinate me. I cannot see the season begin to change without going into deep meditation on all the messages the changing of seasons speaks to my being. I have probably had more thoughts about season changing than anything else in God's World. Brietta's life was like the first spring flowers that push their way up through winter. Those who do not know God might say that she did NOT live, as she went back home after only 19 months of life, but I am finding that her verse - I shall not die, but live, and declare the glorious works of the Lord is as true in her death as it was in her life - She was a continual miracle - a continual reminder that God's in His heaven - all's right with the world! Who could but praise and worship a God Who could create such a beautiful little girl, and give her life in the midst of so many challenges to life...who could not believe that He is, and is able to do what He chooses. The length of life does not accomplish that - it is the sheer miracle of life, and the beauty it encompasses....in the spring, my favorite flowers push up and scatter beauty in the midst of the waning winter - so bare and bleak. They live a very short time, which always causes me to be sad and wish they could be there longer, and yet, who can forget their glory - the great beauty they bring to those who see them...I remember those spring flowers all the way through until next winter, and they cheer me, and help me to know that Spring will be back, and we will experience the living beauty of the spring flowers once again. I wonder if their glory is not greater because of the short time we have them with us....This is how I visualize Brietta's short life - a time of bringing joy and beauty to a world that is sometimes hard, with various difficulties...the short time she lived doesn't affect the impact she had on our lives, and the beautiful little flower she was while she was here. I am thankful, so thankful, that the changing seasons are no longer something she will experience as she lives in the perpetual spring of life with the One who created her.

We thank you God, for sharing your precious little flower with us, and reminding us of You, and Your great love for us! May you greatly comfort those who loved her.

Time is a boundary we know on earth - there is a land of no boundaries where a thousand years is as a day, and a day as a thousand years. We look forward to that place, to the One Who rules there, and the little lives which have gone before us, some before we ever knew them!

Good-bye Jedidiah (and life as we know it now)

Jedidiah is getting married. I suddenly remember that I am not only Grandmerry, but I am also Mother (and various other nouns which are synonymous.) I am not sure who I ended up being to him....It has digressed from Mommy, to Mama, to Mar, to Mum, and finally to Mother - I guess that sounds more grown up! He has gone back to school, and from there he will travel to Wisconsin, where his beloved is preparing the wedding with her family. I am overjoyed that he is marrying Rachel, so what on earth is this sharp pain in my heart!? I suppose it is letting go of life as I have known it for 26 years since he was born.....he has gone out the door so many times...first to play outdoors, with close supervision so that no harm comes to him....and eventually graduating to being able to play alone within boundaries carefully set. We extend the boundaries as the years pass, until he is sometimes gone for entire days and as that passes, he may sometimes be gone for weeks. At last there is the big step - he leaves for a year going away to far off Mongolia for a time of service. Email softened the blow of that separation...what a world we live in where we can talk to our children across the world as though they were right at home with us.

I guess the pain I feel is related to the fact, that after each trip out into the world, he always comes home. I know that when his room is empty again, it is only a matter of time until I will see him back in his bed, sleeping peacefully as I peek in on my way to bed. This time he won't come home and sleep in his own bed again as part of our household....he will establish his own household and visit ours...so it will be and has been since time began, and it is a great joy to see it happening...but the twang of sadness is there nonetheless, knowing it will never be like it has been. But as I used to tell my children, we must believe that change is not sad, but that it offers us something better - not to replace what has been, but to enhance it, and show us growth from the place we have come from to the place we are now.

I find it ironic that in answering my prayers by sending Rachel into Jedidiah's life, I am full of joy, and at the same time experiencing a little hole in my life as I lose what has been and place it in the memory bank forever. I also find how well God planned our lives, in that when children depart our daily happenings and establish their own families, He gives us Grandchildren in return.

Good-bye Jedidiah....good-bye to returning home after your journeys....good-bye to looking in on you sleeping in your own bed, even when you were far too old to need checking! Thank you for the many years of joy you have given....Take the best of what you have learned here, and sift out what we messed up in our inexperience. We look forward to sharing in your life with Rachel, and above all, we rejoice that you are not alone on life's journey! I love you!

Happy Birthday Patrick!

My little light bearer has turned over from measuring time by months to measuring it by years. Thus continues his march through time as we know it, marking each year with a celebration.
We celebrated your birthday, Patrick. The goal was to make you happy, and honor you, but as always you have honored us by your presence, and watching you has made us happy. I think babies can just naturally live out the concept that it is more blessed to give than to receive. We concentrate our efforts on giving to you, and making the day special, and you just toddle about in our midst, bringing joy wherever you go.

There is nothing quite like a child, and you are a precious child. We work and contrive to accomplish, you just are, and in that simple, childlike faith and trust, you show us that all our wisdom is so small - you have the secret to happiness, which is to quietly trust those who love you and are committed to caring for you. I suppose there are benefits of growing up and becoming more accomplished at verbalizing all our lofty thoughts.....it will be nice when hunger and discomfort are met with requests instead of screams, so we can't just throw maturity out the window, but there is a loss of innocence as we mature and become more complicated. I can see well why God said, Let the little children come unto me, for thus is the kingdom of heaven. Who could question that the essence of the kingdom of heaven is not our wisdom, but His, which is based on simple trust in Him. And yet, we spend a lifetime philosophising, and building theories, and becoming so complicated that we forget what joy there is in simplicity.

I love to watch you, in the midst of all our attempts to bring joy to your life - it sometimes distracts you from your main purpose, but it is never long until your little eyes seek out the face of your parents, and it is then, upon finding them, that joy fills your countenance - and you are at rest. Truly the essence of life is not the abundance of things, but in having someone who truly loves us, and with whom we can walk worry free, because we trust them completely.

It is my hope that you don't experience enough disillusionment in your little life to rob you of the simple trust I see reflected in your face, and that your trust grows versus being replaced with disappointment. Thank you for teaching us secrets of happy living. You are one of my greatest treasures in this life, and I love you...............Happy first Birthday, Patrick!