Good-bye Jedidiah (and life as we know it now)

Jedidiah is getting married. I suddenly remember that I am not only Grandmerry, but I am also Mother (and various other nouns which are synonymous.) I am not sure who I ended up being to him....It has digressed from Mommy, to Mama, to Mar, to Mum, and finally to Mother - I guess that sounds more grown up! He has gone back to school, and from there he will travel to Wisconsin, where his beloved is preparing the wedding with her family. I am overjoyed that he is marrying Rachel, so what on earth is this sharp pain in my heart!? I suppose it is letting go of life as I have known it for 26 years since he was born.....he has gone out the door so many times...first to play outdoors, with close supervision so that no harm comes to him....and eventually graduating to being able to play alone within boundaries carefully set. We extend the boundaries as the years pass, until he is sometimes gone for entire days and as that passes, he may sometimes be gone for weeks. At last there is the big step - he leaves for a year going away to far off Mongolia for a time of service. Email softened the blow of that separation...what a world we live in where we can talk to our children across the world as though they were right at home with us.

I guess the pain I feel is related to the fact, that after each trip out into the world, he always comes home. I know that when his room is empty again, it is only a matter of time until I will see him back in his bed, sleeping peacefully as I peek in on my way to bed. This time he won't come home and sleep in his own bed again as part of our household....he will establish his own household and visit ours...so it will be and has been since time began, and it is a great joy to see it happening...but the twang of sadness is there nonetheless, knowing it will never be like it has been. But as I used to tell my children, we must believe that change is not sad, but that it offers us something better - not to replace what has been, but to enhance it, and show us growth from the place we have come from to the place we are now.

I find it ironic that in answering my prayers by sending Rachel into Jedidiah's life, I am full of joy, and at the same time experiencing a little hole in my life as I lose what has been and place it in the memory bank forever. I also find how well God planned our lives, in that when children depart our daily happenings and establish their own families, He gives us Grandchildren in return.

Good-bye Jedidiah....good-bye to returning home after your journeys....good-bye to looking in on you sleeping in your own bed, even when you were far too old to need checking! Thank you for the many years of joy you have given....Take the best of what you have learned here, and sift out what we messed up in our inexperience. We look forward to sharing in your life with Rachel, and above all, we rejoice that you are not alone on life's journey! I love you!