Good-bye Jedidiah (and life as we know it now)

Jedidiah is getting married. I suddenly remember that I am not only Grandmerry, but I am also Mother (and various other nouns which are synonymous.) I am not sure who I ended up being to him....It has digressed from Mommy, to Mama, to Mar, to Mum, and finally to Mother - I guess that sounds more grown up! He has gone back to school, and from there he will travel to Wisconsin, where his beloved is preparing the wedding with her family. I am overjoyed that he is marrying Rachel, so what on earth is this sharp pain in my heart!? I suppose it is letting go of life as I have known it for 26 years since he was born.....he has gone out the door so many times...first to play outdoors, with close supervision so that no harm comes to him....and eventually graduating to being able to play alone within boundaries carefully set. We extend the boundaries as the years pass, until he is sometimes gone for entire days and as that passes, he may sometimes be gone for weeks. At last there is the big step - he leaves for a year going away to far off Mongolia for a time of service. Email softened the blow of that separation...what a world we live in where we can talk to our children across the world as though they were right at home with us.

I guess the pain I feel is related to the fact, that after each trip out into the world, he always comes home. I know that when his room is empty again, it is only a matter of time until I will see him back in his bed, sleeping peacefully as I peek in on my way to bed. This time he won't come home and sleep in his own bed again as part of our household....he will establish his own household and visit ours...so it will be and has been since time began, and it is a great joy to see it happening...but the twang of sadness is there nonetheless, knowing it will never be like it has been. But as I used to tell my children, we must believe that change is not sad, but that it offers us something better - not to replace what has been, but to enhance it, and show us growth from the place we have come from to the place we are now.

I find it ironic that in answering my prayers by sending Rachel into Jedidiah's life, I am full of joy, and at the same time experiencing a little hole in my life as I lose what has been and place it in the memory bank forever. I also find how well God planned our lives, in that when children depart our daily happenings and establish their own families, He gives us Grandchildren in return.

Good-bye Jedidiah....good-bye to returning home after your journeys....good-bye to looking in on you sleeping in your own bed, even when you were far too old to need checking! Thank you for the many years of joy you have given....Take the best of what you have learned here, and sift out what we messed up in our inexperience. We look forward to sharing in your life with Rachel, and above all, we rejoice that you are not alone on life's journey! I love you!

Happy Birthday Patrick!

My little light bearer has turned over from measuring time by months to measuring it by years. Thus continues his march through time as we know it, marking each year with a celebration.
We celebrated your birthday, Patrick. The goal was to make you happy, and honor you, but as always you have honored us by your presence, and watching you has made us happy. I think babies can just naturally live out the concept that it is more blessed to give than to receive. We concentrate our efforts on giving to you, and making the day special, and you just toddle about in our midst, bringing joy wherever you go.

There is nothing quite like a child, and you are a precious child. We work and contrive to accomplish, you just are, and in that simple, childlike faith and trust, you show us that all our wisdom is so small - you have the secret to happiness, which is to quietly trust those who love you and are committed to caring for you. I suppose there are benefits of growing up and becoming more accomplished at verbalizing all our lofty thoughts.....it will be nice when hunger and discomfort are met with requests instead of screams, so we can't just throw maturity out the window, but there is a loss of innocence as we mature and become more complicated. I can see well why God said, Let the little children come unto me, for thus is the kingdom of heaven. Who could question that the essence of the kingdom of heaven is not our wisdom, but His, which is based on simple trust in Him. And yet, we spend a lifetime philosophising, and building theories, and becoming so complicated that we forget what joy there is in simplicity.

I love to watch you, in the midst of all our attempts to bring joy to your life - it sometimes distracts you from your main purpose, but it is never long until your little eyes seek out the face of your parents, and it is then, upon finding them, that joy fills your countenance - and you are at rest. Truly the essence of life is not the abundance of things, but in having someone who truly loves us, and with whom we can walk worry free, because we trust them completely.

It is my hope that you don't experience enough disillusionment in your little life to rob you of the simple trust I see reflected in your face, and that your trust grows versus being replaced with disappointment. Thank you for teaching us secrets of happy living. You are one of my greatest treasures in this life, and I love you...............Happy first Birthday, Patrick!

Black and White

I remember in the Wizard of Oz - how the movie began in black and white - upon entering the land of Oz, life was suddenly brilliant color. That is what Grandmerrying is about......you walk about in black and white for what seems to be such a long time.....things become clearer in black and white, I think, although at times we must travel through shades of gray to see the clearness. Then you blink your eyes, finding the time is not long at all, but actually just a whisper, and you find yourself in living color - for me, that is the difference between parenting and grandparenting. It is the Fall of life.......we think that nothing can match the splendor of Springtime, and then comes the brilliance of Fall with all the colors - it is a time of wonder......this is my time of wonder, watching each tiny event in one tiny life as though it was a major daily headline....this little one who will carry on - who brought such color and splendor to life will march on through life, and a little bit of whom you have been will continue being...you will move on to winter, but he will walk on through a lifetime of Springs and Summer's just as you have done, carrying beyond your lifetime bits and pieces of who you were, or maybe how you looked, and how you thought. Investing in Grandchildren brings rewards that go beyond your lifetime - they will carry living memories of the life you have lived.

A Grandmerry

What is a Grandmerry anyway? I find out more about it every day....it is when a little boy takes your heart by storm, and enters your world, changing it forever. You thought you knew what it would feel like, but it is nothing like when you had your children - that was wonderful, but now there is proof that life goes on, and on and on. You will depart, but that life that began when your child was born continues in grandchildren and great grandchildren. You have learned lessons with your children and can invest wisely in your grandchildren, with new understanding - there is no sacrifice too great for these bundles of life that color and brighten your life....